Needing You

This may not be a very significant blog post...but then again who knows!
I just want to write, and put something out there to the world, so here goes.
Every think yourself into a stupper?
Every desire something, but aren't patient enough to actually study or
wait for it?

At this time in my life, I'm seriously in need of other people's interaction.
This has been going on for awhile.
It's a chore for me to read, study etc...and it seems the only thing my heart
has been really open to has been learning and growing by interaction with
other people.
I am the type of person that is inspired by other people in many ways...
Other than God Himself, People/Characters and their lives are what
inspire me to study, pray, sing, and proclaim the goodness of Christ.
This can be a good thing, but also I'm beginning to wonder if it is
actually all "right". I know that every personality, and temperment has
their own way they are inspired by God.
For me it seems, a lot of the time I am drawn to God, and the Knowledge
of God, by becoming a mediator in the lives of others. Or seeing someone
other than myself in need of God, and I recognize the need in them, and
it stirs me to want God, and want to share His love.

Yet, at this time I feel like I should not let this way of inspration, take
the place of a personal relationship stirred out of my own heart and
need of God. So I've taken a few steps. I've bought a book. For me,
this is big, because I don't like reading. The name of the book is
"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I'm hoping that within the pages I will
be stirred even more to know, and seek out my Creator.
I know, that in order to fall more in love with God, I must first realize more
considering who He is, and what He offers.

Will I be patient enough? Will I actually sit in a room, and my mind not
be taken away by other thoughts. Can sharing become an idol?
Maybe I've just become deprived of fellowship, and that is why whenever
even the slightest thought about God that is relevant to me, pops into my
head, all I can think of doing is "share it". So I stop studying, and race
to the computer or my phone.
God, I want You to be the most important thing to Me. It's hard to keep
things in proper focus.
I seem to have feed an attitude of lack of patience when it comes to learning
most times. I like the quick fixes, or person at the other end of the line.
God, sometimes because You are not physically here beside me, I think of
You like another thing to learn. Like studying a text book, filled with things
I may, or may not ever use or experience personaly in my life.
I don't want to feel the same way about You that I felt about learning other
things in my life. I want to love You, and I want to find You.