The Courage to Change: The Sin of 'Self Awareness'

Do you ever ask the questions: 'Am I loved? 'Do I have purpose in this life?' 'What is my worth?'
Or maybe you do not ask the questions, maybe you just believe that you are unloved, that you do not have a purpose in this life, nor that your life has any real worth. Perhaps you do not only 'believe' it, but it's starting to show in ways that are apparent to others.

Maybe you've tried to believe the right thing, that 'you are loved by God', that 'your life has a meaning' and that 'you are of worth', but to no avail...every time you think that you can make it, something happens, you step back, you look for your approval or acceptance in another person, in a romantic relationship, in being the best at some particular sport...you just cannot feel confident in your own shoes...just when you thought you were strong enough, you see yourself reaching out to find your purpose and worth in the things of the past....in people, places, or things that never filled before...You know you shouldn't be doing this, and you aren't even doing it on purpose, but you can't help it... because the truth is you must feel loved, your life must have a purpose, you must be of worth...and unconsciously your trying to find all of the above in something or someone other than yourself. Why?
Because you, yourself, are not confident enough on your own. You've tried to trust God, but life is just so hard, and without that feeling of self worth you just cannot go on.

It is very important to have a right self image...it is destructive to have the wrong image of yourself. Which is why Christ Himself has died on the cross to show God's great love for you, and why Christ is our great purpose, and the Bible says that you are of great worth to God and created in His image.
But what if you do not believe that Christ is all that He says He is? What if there is more to the story than just a desire to feel love? What if 'false guilt' is hindering you from receiving God's love, purpose, and His say on your worth?

I've known quite a few people who continue to live lives in constant struggle with believing in the Love and forgiveness of God, and the people who surround them. Yes, one of the reasons for this is because they grew up, or experienced offenses from those, usually those close to them, who may have 'acted' or 'said' that they loved them, but really 'did not'. But, another equally popular reason is that the individual had done something wrong, or had sinned against God or others, and 'did not' or 'could not' get themselves to believe that they could be 'forgiven' and 'loved' because, they had done so much wrong. More than, just being in shock about it, they 'disbelieved' that they could or 'should' be loved or forgiven...because inwardly, 'they did not forgive 'themselves' therefore they did not believe they should or could be loved and forgiven by others...
As much as this may seem like a form of humility to the person who has done wrong, or 'feels' like they have done wrong, it is NOT humility at all. Many times a person who cannot or will not forgive themselves, and will not allow themselves to be, or believe in the love and forgiveness of God/ others, (believe they should do so in order to 'punish' themselves, because they do not think they 'deserve' better.) But, the reality is 'rejecting God's love' or 'forgivness' aka (what Christ did/accomplished on the cross) is NOT humility or penitence at all, but 'rather' rebellion stirred by pride.

3Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
 6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” 7Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.”
 8Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.”
 Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.”
 9Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!”
~ John 13: 3-9

A big problem that a lot of us have...is a problem with an 'over awareness of self'.
We think that we are being 'just' by pushing God's hands away, or protecting others from knowing who we truly are, but in reality we are just too concerned with 'self' and the 'way it makes our pride feel', and that 'hinders' us from freely surrendering to love.

Here are some other issues that usually actually stirred from Selfishness, (being too self centered)
1. Pity (the most obvious)
2. Depression
3. Doubt
4. 'False' Guilt
5. 'False' Humility/Justice
6. 'False' Love

I'll explain a few of these points further...Pity (False Guilt) can sometimes disguise it's self as Humility but it is NOT. Do not get confuse self pity, or self inflicted guilt with the work of the Holy Spirit or Biblical sorrow or repentance. It is all possible for a person to feel 'guilt' and it 'wear at their self image' but STILL not be 'repentant' of their sin...sometimes we may feel guilty for things that we need not even feel guilty for! and that is a sign of being too 'self focused'...to the point that you are despising yourself for not being as 'perfect' as 'you' think you 'should' be. Now, it's a good thing to want to better yourself when it is scriptural, but even then 'guilting over something' is not the same as 'repenting' and 'changing'!

Depression is proven in many cases to be the result of self pity, and too much focus on the 'bad' in a particular Individuals life...God says to think on 'good' things, and not too get caught up in focusing on all that 'isn't going right for you' but rather to worship Him in all circumstances and seek to focus on the blessings in your life.

Religiosity. Sometimes what we confuse with 'humility' and 'being pleasing to God' - is really our own sense of 'religiousity'. We stress over what clothes we are wearing, what music we are listening to, the way we are acting to an extreme extent; to where what may seem like 'wanting to be pleasing to God' and 'being modest' or worrying about 'not flirting' or 'not seeming prideful' or 'worrying on not listening to certain tones in music' or 'worrying about what we are eating' -when in reality we are actually doing nothing more than keeping up our sense of 'religiousity' and obeying our own standards. And 'then' when we do not 'live up to our own standards' we inflict ourselves with guilt...So that in actuality, we begin without God and end without God. We do not live up to our own sense of 'perfection' and therefore we punish ourselves...by having a pity party, and yet we 'still' do not repent...because why repent? Because it is not God in the first place that we were keeping holy, pure, etc...for...It was 'ourselves'. Therefore God is not even involved.
It is not enough to just 'please ourselves'.

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. - Matthew 5:20

The Pharisees were not only Hypocrites but they made up their own laws to be "holy". They would condemn others who did not obey the laws that 'they' had created, and they thought that just by heeding to their own 'religiousity' and 'self perfection theroy' they would be the greatest in God's eyes. Christ spoke against the Pharisees and their methods of holiness.

3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. - Titus 3:3-7

Saved by Grace through faith, and not by works least any man should boast!

It is important to know why you do what you do. Ask yourself if you are, and if so, why you are rejecting God's love or the love of others in your life? Ask yourself if your guilt is truly even genuine? Ask yourself if you are really willing to give up your sin, and receive blessing in it's stead? If so you will be 'repentant', and the thing about repentance is that it is not only 'being humble enough to admit you were wrong, and seeing that you have hurt God, and put yourself in harms way', but also the second part of repentance is being humble enough to receive God's love and brave enough to take the new chance and dropping the chains of the past sins.
Repentance is asking for forgivness, turning from your sin, and receiving God's love and pardon!
The beautiful thing, that just being 'guility' and 'condeming yourself' cannot do - is give you a new start and another chance. Just knowing you've done wrong, and condeming yourself for it, is not what God wants you to do. It is NOT what God wants you to do...It can be very self centered, and cause you to 'instead' of 'change' - 'get stuck focusing on 'your' 'sin' and what 'you've' done wrong, until it's just a pity party and has nothing of Godliness left in it. The only thing that will or can change you, is repentance and receiving God's forgivness and being changed by His love.
It's all an act of God. God is who saves you, God is who convicts you, and God is who forgives you.

When you insist on refusing God's love and forgivness you are disbelieving in what Christ has done for you on the cross. When you choose to 'guilt yourself' over your sin instead of 'go to Christ with it' you are choosing to let Satan destory you with your mistakes, and stand between the past and the future.

14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, 16and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. - Ephesians 2:14-18

Repentance brings peace of mind. It is a lie that we have believed that we must 'guilt' ourselves to such a degree...we form self centeredness instead of godliness when we do that...God's will is that when we have done wrong, we realize what we've done wrong, ask for forgivness, and receive His power to 'sin no more!'

3And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, 4They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. 5Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? 6This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. 7So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 8And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. 9And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

10When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11She said, No man, Lord.

And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.  - John 8: 3-11

God's forgivness is so deep and so wide. The enemy would like us to stay in our sin and never live lives free, blessed, and useful; but God wants us to live lives where we are filled more with the 'awareness' of Him and His freedom, blessings, and love than the 'awarness' of ourselves...

We need to lay down our own pride, fear and standards on the altar before God and receive His humbling love, peace and holiness. We receive the holiness of Christ, by salvation and oneness with 'him'.

For what shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? 2God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? 3Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 5For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: 6Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7For he that is dead is freed from sin.

8Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: 9Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. 10For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God. 11Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
12Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. 13Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. 14For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.
15What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. 16Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? 17But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. 18Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. 19I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness.
20For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness. 21What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death. 22But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life. 23For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
- Romans 6:1-23

Why do you seek to obey? Is it because you want to be 'perfect' in your own eyes? Is it because of your own desire for a a sense of 'acceptablness'? OR it because you do not want to offend the Lord; Is it because you love Him?

This should be the reason you obey...because you love God, and trust that He knows what is best for your life. You trust him because, you 'know and believe' that He has your best in mind...not just because people tell you he does, or that you've heard that 'God's ways are better than our ways, or the world's ways'...but the beautiful thing that you will discover, is that God only wants you to live a blessed life. And if you obey Him you will not inflict death upon yourself, whether that be death spiritually, emotionally, mentally, or the death of your future happiness and Christian effectiveness...
Sin reaps death. But you have the ability to choose life, which has been made possible for you by the forgivness and unity made by Jesus Christ.

So do you ever ask the questions: 'Am I loved? 'Do I have purpose in this life?' 'What is my worth?'
The answers to these questions is 'Yes'. You are loved. You do have a purpose in life. And you 'are' of worth! If you get down on yourself too hard and too long after you have made a mistake, or 'Think' you have made a mistakes, it's time to consider whether or not you are doing what you do, or trying to be holy to win your own salvation...or for your own feeling of self worth.
Find your self worth in Christ. Believe in His love. Receive Forgivness. It's a gift. It's undeserved.
See Christ bleeding on the tree? It was for you, it was for me.

Fact is, if you are trying to find love from others, or a particualr person in order to keep breathing, or fill the hole inside... mostlikely you have not let Christ's love fill you to the place where you can rely on Him. Once you rely on Him, 'He' will send others into your life to bless you and fill the other areas of your life such as romantic love and friendship. But Christ must be first. Will He be your first love? Will HE be the purpose of your life? Will you believe what He says about your worth to Him?

John 3 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 18He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. 19And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 21But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.


Rom 5: 6For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. 8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 9Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. 10For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. 11And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.

Fight the fight against sin! Fight the fight against self awareness/self centerdness!
You have the power in Christ Jesus to make the Change. Stop the pity party and realize that 'courage to change' comes from the Lord. When you are so down upon yourself, and tell yourself that you cannot change, what you are really doing is being 'selfish' and 'pittiful'.Christ gives you the chance to change, and Your strength comes from Him alone. Believe in Him.

2 Thess 2:16-17

16And may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17encourage your hearts and strengthen you!- in every good deed and word.

http://youtu.be/wrY0h33coR4 - Make War! John Piper: Great video!

Memories

Memories...they come and remind us of the past...sometimes they hearken the laughter of conversations back in time, the remembrance of streets once walked, or the reality of things, or relationships once vivid and living...but the odd thing about memories, the almost uncontrollable and sometimes punishing thing they can do is bring back the feelings of something in the past... Memory doesn't doesn't just hold on to words, images, and sounds, but also 'feelings' and emotions. When a something, someone, or a relationship has passed on, or a situation has changed, memory often and unexpectedly brings back a feeling unneeded or uncalled for; almost like the sensation of pain or touch in a limb that no longer exists...Memory can almost be like a special effect box, or an illusionist.

How do we make ourselves realize and awaken to the fact that some memories cannot or should not draw us to the past; but are instead hurdles to jump over (in way of the future)? It's almost as if we must forget the missing limb, and what we used to do with it, in order to move on...Ah, the power of memory...sometimes we must learn to let go and move forward; not that we make the past void in terms of lessons learned and feeling felt etc. Nothing can really change the past, it is over, and yet somehow memory can make us believe that memories are still alive in as much as we live in them or believe they are the present. The past does make the journey to where we are in this moment, but what makes tomorrow is what we do in 'this' moment....and how the 'present' is, is not always how the 'past' was. We cannot make the mistake of thinking the present is always the past, or that the past is always the present. Yet, there are things that transcend time, there are memories that relay the continued reality of today - but they are based on unchangeable, and sacred things.

Even so, feelings may always remain caught up in a moment passed, sealed away by memory...but it is the lasting things, love, diligence, faithfulness, and endurance, that makes the present and will determine the future. We have the choice in life to let the past own us, or let the will of God and the truth of thing (how they were, are, and should be) direct us and motivate us into the future. Thank God for His allowance for new beginnings and His encouragement for change; or else we would be slaves to the our memories, our mistakes, and our past way of viewing thing, when in reality; people change, truth shows it's head, and not all stays the same...We choose whether to escape the memories that would like to keep us rehashing, and or sliding. Another important thing is to realize what memories are of 'false realities' such as stirred from our own 'fantasizing'. Doesn't mean the feelings weren't real, but sometimes the relationship, situation etc...wasn't as 'alive' or real' as we imagined at the time.

Thank God we are not obligated or slaves to our feelings of the past. There are things deeper than feelings' such as mentioned in the Bible. We are responsible to God first, our actions second (in relation to others and ourselves) and so...may we trust the Lord, give Him our memories, give Him our feelings, and focus on the truth whether reflected also in our memories, or just reveled to us in the present...Thank God for His Guidance, His liberty, and setting us free by His truth! God free us from any attachments whether to the world, things, people, feelings, memories, that would keep us from you, or Your will! It's always the choice - between the 'good' and the 'bad', and the 'good' and the 'best'. We are yours! let's make the moment count, as we place the future in Your hands.

You belong to Jesus. He comes before everything. You can be free from whatever is hindering you from living to your fullest, whether it's memories: of past mistakes, relationships, or actions, - You don't have to live in the past, You can live in today. Make your future by living today in Christ's Liberty.

Vain Imaginations: Hope Deferred

So I stand and watch you walk by,
the thoughts in my mind I try to hide,
I know the past can never be redone,
so I'll have to let go of what I've made
in my mind,
 I'll bury it all in a grave, marked to say
"The things that I once thought". #goodbyetovainimaginations

Vain Imaginations...We are warned to fend them off, we are warned to keep ourselves from getting caught up in vain imaginations. But how often we do?! I think the 'World' encourages 'Vain imaginations'; It encourages thinking things that aren't based on reality, but instead, the way we 'feel'.
Feelings can't always be trusted, but it all depends on what they are based upon. If feelings are based on obedience and surrender to God, then God can use them to guard us, but if they are based on our own 'vain imaginations' or 'flesh' then they can get us into trouble.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the the pulling down of strongholds) 5 Casting down imaginations, reasoning, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 6 And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled. 7. Do you look on things after the outward appearance? 2 Cor 10: 3-7

Do you ever imagine something so well that you think it is real? We human beings have a tendency to get ourselves in a lot of trouble because we believe that aren't true. Sometimes we hope for things that will never be, or should never be, but there's something inside that makes us desire what 'we can't have' or the impossible. Sometimes this is just stirred by rebellion, other times I wonder what it is caused by...The Bible says in Proverbs 13:12 that 'Hope' deferred make the heart sick...It's true. You see I don't know what goes on in every person's head, but I know for a fact that some of us have a tendency,  to imagine things, believe in their significance (believe things, people, offers are as we imagine them) ... we hope and hope, that things will turn out, or we will happen as we imagine, but it's nothing more than getting caught up in vain imaginations...and having our hope deferred.

We are warned in the bible to guard our minds and hearts...When we imagine things,  get caught up in our dreaming, and base the future on 'things we imagined' but not 'the will of God' we set ourselves up for a emotional let down. We weren't designed to believe or hope for things that won't come to pass. It's because we let our fleshes lead the way, it's because we let ourselves become attached to our own ideas for our lives, relationships, etc...that we come to ruin.

A lot of times we let our own desire/ 'vanity' lead the way. Not that everything that we hope for that doesn't turn out, is based on unnatural desires, or 'bad' things, but the fact is... anything that isn't surrendered to God, is vanity. Your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, your goals, your relationships...if they aren't surrendered to God, they are vanity...And so, as Solomon realized in His book of Ecclesiastes:

I said in mine heart, Go to now, "I will prove thee with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure; and behold this also is vanity....

In Ecclesiaties2: 4-9 Solomon expresses how he was successful, and did many 'great' things for himself. Kind of like some of us; we go to college, buy a house, land a good job, find a mate...But Solomon realized that in the end, that it all was 'vain' to base his life on.
And in chapter 10 verse 14 he says "A fool...also is full of words: a man cannot tell what shall be; and what shall be after him, who can tell him?"

If we cannot tell what shall be, why is it we put our hope so much in things that are uncertain? And usually, we put our hope in things that is our vanity. Not that we cannot have desires, not that we shouldn't want good things...but they are vain if we 'live' for them, before putting Christ first. I think anyone who isn't willing to place his life in the hands of Christ, not only clings to vanity, but puts his hope in vanity. This is where man puts his trust in 'Vain' Imaginations, before putting it in God himself.

Even those of us who say 'we give our lives to the Lord to do with them as he sees fit', even those of us who say 'we surrender our past, present, and future to Him'...we tend to get do exactly the opposite and put our faith in vain imaginations, or our own reasoning, or our own desire for vanity. Nothing, my friends is a holy desire, if it comes before God Himself, or 'His' will.

A lot of times we put our hope in things that aren't even feasible, or beneficial. Thank goodness, we have a God who watches over us, and is 'gracious' towards us. He is merciful, and faithful, even at times when we get distracted by the world and it's offers. What is important though...is that we come to realize 'what it is we are putting our hope in'. If we are putting our hope in things that for our own glory...or putting our hope in things, or 'going hard' after things, people, jobs etc...and then ask God to 'bless' it, after we have 'already' set our heart on it...it's kind of like an oxymoron.

People have the wrong view on God's Commands... God's will... and 'Surrender'.
They would rather not hear about finding their purpose in Christ, because frankly it just seems too 'ariy'. It's not what they want to hear...and they don't understand it.

I mentioned that some folks have the wrong view on God's commands. For example; a lot of teens have the wrong view on 'their own parents' commands. Now, not everyone has 'perfect' parents, but we must realize that 'God' 'is' the 'perfect', 'most awesome' 'parent'. He's not fallible, not ever changing in His love and desire for You, and He wants to you be full of 'Joy', 'Peace', and the overwhelming sense of 'belonging' to Him. He doesn't want you to feel like an orphan, and he doesn't want you to act like He isn't the 'inventor' of 'cool', because He is! The Lord has 'plans' for You. His plans aren't always what we imagine, because His plans are based on 'His' 'will'. It's God's 'will' and 'purpose' for You, to be a light in the darkness. It's God will and purpose for you, to not only draw closer to Him, but to become completely dependant, and fall in love with Him.

Many of us would rather live for our own vanity. What we don't realize is that vanity means (vapor)....Our vanities are passing away, here one day, and gone the other. Everything in life fades away, except the love of God.  We are living for things, and pushing God away from consuming us, because we want to live for our 'vain imaginations', before all else. We have made gods, idols, out of our own plans for our lives, and our own hopes.

What we don't understand is that the only way to truly 'live' and 'be inwardly satisfied' is to be consumed by God's love. This is a great purpose of our lives. We do not live until we experience Love. God is love, and love comes from God. And until we realize that we only truly 'live' by surrendering to His love, will continue to live vane lives that revolve around ourselves...Vapor lives, that will not survive us after we are dead and gone. 

It is all too common for us to plan things, imagine things, hope for things, that aren't reality, or God's perfect will..and then blame Him for not making our plans succeed. We set our selves up to fall down. How? We do not let Him lead us each step of the way. We place our hope in our dreams, before we place our hope in the Lord. We believe in our own ability, more than we believe/Trust God. We don't trust Him with our lives, because we think we are being faithful to our goals or dreams, when in reality we are failing to live our Creator's will for our lives. A lot of times our own imagined fantasies, are more real and legit to us that the truth. Which is why we fight for them, at times against God. When in reality, God is trying to hand us something better, but we want what we have put our hope in, that which we don't realize will only defer our hope, and scar us with disappointment.

There is so much Joy, inner peace, and contentment to be found in a live totally dependant on God...if we put our hope in God, and place our faith in Him first; we will not let our hope be abused.
Also I know I mentioned that some folks don't have the proper view on God's commands, and Surrender. These are big enough topics to make separate blog posts about, but I will just start up on what I meant...

I know people, and meet people that wasted their lives away on 'vain imaginations'. They believed the world or the world's way could offer them the fulfillment that they desired, and trust me, none of them, who knew the truth didn't land up scared in some way. I feel bad for so many of the people out there, especially youth, who grew up without knowing or believing the truth, and so they set their hearts up to be broken, they bodies to be soiled, their hopes to be rotted. God tells us the right way to go in all things in His word, but there are some things that it does not say 'right out' this does not mean, that God has not showed us the good way to go about doing things, and living, so that we will not set our hearts on vain imaginations, or things that will only make our hope defer.

A lot of times we place our hope in vain imaginations, when we do not trust, or live according to the will of God, or by the wisdom He has given those around you to council you. God tells us the right way to go, and gave us commands in scripture....SO that we will be blessed, healthy, fruitful,  prosperous!! In life it's always a choice between...the 'bad' and the 'good', the 'good' and the 'best'. Sometimes we think that that we are wise because we aren't living a life of sin, but this doesn't mean that we are always choosing to live in the fullness of what God would have for us...because lot of times we let our own impatience, and desire lead us in settling for mediocre, when we could have 'the best'. But we can only have 'the best' through Christ.

If we put our hope in our own ability, we will realize that we let ourselves down. If we put our hope, faith in other people, we will come to realize that people can also let us down. If we put our hope in dreams, or earthly desires, we will realize that some things are less certain than we imagine, and that nothing can fill the place of Christ. We may think we know what we want, and that that will fulfill us, but the truth is we resort to vain imaginations many a times, we go back to searching for things we shouldn't, because we have an emptiness inside that only God can fill up. We tell ourselves that's not it, it's because we were made to have what we desire, but truly it's because our hearts want something to pursue, to pursue something that will fill us, something that is worth placing our hope in, something that can take us to places greater than we see around us, something or someone that will make us feel more than a merit less soul. We want purpose, we want to fight for something, we want to imagine something that is greater than what we already have, we want a fulfilling relationship...and none of this is wrong, because honestly, what we want is something we overlook, something that we've been offered, but yet many of us look to replace...

Jesus.

Yes.
He is.
What you want.
What you need.

Proverbs 13:12 ~ Hope deferred makes the heart sick...but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Let's stop setting ourselves up for deferred hope. Let's instead put our faith, hope in God himself. Because He is what we really need most.

See how Solomon sums his book up: 
in chapter 12: verse 8, he says "Vanity of Vanities...all is Vanity"....

But He concludes thus:

12:13 'The End of the matter; all has been heard, Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of Man'....

We must be willing to 'surrender' our thoughts to God...We must not only, 'say' that we give our lives to Him, but we must not let ourselves get caught up in a worship (continual pondering) for what we want, when God tells us not to. The fact is we do this with things that is not God's will. We try to run our own lives, and we place our faith in things that have not be established or approved by God for our lives. We not only place our faith in things that are not reality, or beneficial possibility, but we let our own impatience, or flesh lead the way, and our imaginations soar without holy restraint. We must be willing to give our imaginations, our dreams, and  our desires up to God.

God wants us to place our faith and hope in Him. He won't let us down. 'Seek Him'. Also, seek He will give you the desires of your heart; because the heart that seeks after God, puts Him first, and God will give Him the other things, because He knows they aren't what He 'serves'. Consider, that some of the things you may desire, that you feel God hasn't helped you attain, or given you, may be because the only reason you are seeking God, is to receive them. God wants to be 'God', in your life. Above your hopes, above your dreams, above your relationships, above yourself.

Don't let your hope be deferred!

The Lord knows those who put their Trust In 'Him'.
If He's first, you aren't ever missing out. Trust Your life to Him,
He knows what will be the very 'best' for you!
He loves you.
And that my friend,
is not a 'vain imagination'.

New Years Prayer

New Years Prayer:
Lord, as this New Year opens before us: Teach us how to love more fully. May our hearts walk more humbly, may our lives be yours more completely, may our passion for You be ignited more strongly, may our hope be more placed in You, may our fears be less strong, may we cease to believe lies, may we put others before ourselves, may we follow you no matter the course, may we find o...ur joy in You, may we be less selfish, may we worship more freely, may we serve more willingly, may we share more easily, may we study more thoroughly, may we pray more without ceasing, may we forsake the worlds offers, and may we become more holy, and become more filled more with Your Holy Spirit. This year Lord, May we become more yours, and less full of of pride…Lord, this year may we become more like You.
For over every selfcentered resolution we may have, and over every hope for the accomplishments ahead, may we instead desire most deeply to be more like You.

The Choice: When Passions Go Dim and Hearts Grow Cold Part 1

There's a lot of different choices we can make in life; but this blog post is particularly about a 'certain' choice....
I find it rather strange how sometimes I go to do something that I've done a trillion times, and then one day I'm suddenly faced with vast complications. I'm continually discovering that I really have a lot to learn...
Just when you may think you have learned what you need in order to succeed, you are faced with a hindrance. There are two ways you can respond 1. Panic: Give Up, and believe that life is just to hard, and that you will never succeed 2. Face it: Keep moving forward, take the chance to learn, and believe that you can progress! Life takes courage. We have to keep up our stamina, not only physically but mentally and spiritually.

I'd like to give a few examples of this; First of all, I have this scripture that keeps entering my mind and that is "Do not be surprised at this fiery trial, as if something strange were happening to you". I know that it had a particular meaning in 1 Peter 4:12 about not being surprised if you suffer for Christ, and I don't want to do the verse injustice, but I feel that it relates also to this topic. I think a lot of times, when things are going fine, we do what we need to do, we go about our daily routine, and then one morning we are faced with some strange hindrance.

 For a 'physical example'; I've been singing for a very young age. I never took singing lessons, but I did take music lessons growing up and got a few tips from my teachers, and they encouraged me to project more, and helped me improve my vocals. Well, ever since I've been writing songs, and playing them with instruments and singing away. Until one day recently, I woke up, I went to the piano, try to sing one of my songs, and oddly I become quite aware of my lack of breath. And so I start to practice breathing more, and then I begin to not be able to breathe, and then my voice seems to disintegrate. To top it off my Mom notices and this makes it all the worse, as I'm trying my hardest to be able to sing, more than ever before, and yet it sounded like I was just squeaking out the lyrics.

 Horrid days...The panic strikes. Of course this isn't 'all' that presided my sudden lose of vocal'ity. First was the fact that I'm going to get a CD recorded of my songs in January. I was rather excited and anxious about it, because I have waited for this for a very long time. I've been wanting to do it for years. So this adds to the horror of my sudden 'reason for panic'.
Fact number two, is before I suddenly became aware of what I thought to be 'shallow breathing' I felt passionless spiritually. I suppose my 'reason' for singing wasn't exactly grounded in what it had before. Yet after all my preparation for this time in my life, when I could actually get a CD recorded of my songs; how could it be that suddenly my passion isn't as strong? ...As I type this I shiver inside. (this may have something to do with the weather ) but really I don't feel all that cold.

Perhaps it is because I'm opening the hatch on some truths that personally need to penetrate my life ... Because really; In this life we have to fight for what we 'have' in order to keep it, and we have to be willing to step out in bravery to receive and accomplish what it is that we haven't attained. At this moment I think of Pilgrim's Progress. I haven't read the book in years. But perhaps now would not be a bad time to pick it up. Right now, if I could easily sketch it, I would draw the picture of a man fighting to protect what He has, and daring forward to attain what He does not. When I think of the title of the book I just mentioned, "Pilgrim's... 'Progress'" It reminds me that life is process; of growth, of learning, of fighting...It helps for me to think of my name before 'progress' as the title of my story. In reality, we all live a story much like that of Pilgrim's Progress inside our souls

. We all have a choice when we are tried or face obstacles, either to: 1. Panic: Give Up, believe that life is just too hard, or that we will never succeed 2. Face it: Keep moving forward, take the opportunity to learn, and believe that we can 'progress'!

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you".... ~ 1 Peter 4:12

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~ 1 Peter 5:8,9

This is really in the spiritual sense...I believe though that in life most all of our 'passionlessness', 'doubt' is spiritually connected. Satan doesn't want us to succeed, or be vessels for the Lord's work. He does not want us to be passionate about Christ and the Gospel. Not only does He not want us to be 'on fire' for our God, but he wants us to give up on life. Our fleshes are pretty weak. We give up quickly. At the first sign of hardship, we sit down and pout. We want the finished product, we want the finish line, we want the easy way up and out. Physically, Mentally, Spiritually we can be pretty weak.

We need to do all things unto the glory of God. If we give our all, in no matter what we do, we are an example to others of someone who 'doesn't slack' and for some reason even non-christans and most all mankind has this respect for those who no matter the odds, 'go hard' and 'accomplish the goal'. I'm sure you've also heard it said "The harder the goal, the more rewarding the triumph"....Sometimes I see myself in the place Pilgrim was when he laid on the dungeon floor in the Giant's castle. Hopeless; because I fail to believe that I can make it out and make it to my destination. I don't really think this so much in the big picture of reaching the Kingdom, but in terms of accomplishing somewhat smaller goals, in various areas, some of which are particularly God centered, others of which are work for others, and even things I must pull through in doing for my own good. But you know, all along I have the key to opening the giant's dungeon door.

Whenever I lay there motionless on the floor of the cell that (either the work of Satan has formed, or a dungeon I have made for myself), I have the key all along. God gave it to me at the cross. And there are sometimes, I must admit, that we can't do things or accomplish things, even if we are re lit with the courage or the 'passion'. Some things can only be accomplished by surrendering to God, and calling out on Him to be our rescue.

He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youth will become exhausted, and young men will give up. "But those who wait on the Lord, He will renew their strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40: 30-31

There are times when we are without passion, and we can't seem to make ourselves 'feel' anything. Whether mentally, physically, spiritually, or all of the above. There are times when our hearts feel cold, and our desire to move ahead dead. There are some obstacles that we are tired of dealing with, there are those times when all we hope for is the end, but don't know how to get to the destination. We need to not only keep our eyes on the goal, our hearts a fire with love and passion for that which is beyond the finish line, but we must learn how to 'run the race', 'progress', 'learn', 'grow'.

Sometimes our eyes can be so set on having what's ahead that we do not learn how to embrace the opportunities for growth. We do not have open hearts towards learning, only obtaining, completing, or accomplishing. The true prize, is what we have learned in life. What really makes up our prize is not that we ran an easy race, without hindrances, but that we learned how to be victorious through, and over the hurdles. We must cultivate a passion and a patience, for learning. There is no 'success', if there is no 'growth'.

 We cannot expect to be perfect, or all knowing, in anything we do, whether in physical ways, knowledge, or in the way of the spiritual without refining, or without taking those hindrances ( learning opportunities) and not only enduring them, but taking the step into learning from them. You may be thinking; I can't do this on my own, I just don't always have the stamina, or the passion. And you are right. There are times when this comes down to 'You' and your choice, whether or not you will take the oportunities around, or sit and pout and wish things were completed by the blink of an eye. If you choose the second of the two, You will one day realize that you never get anywhere by sitting and wishing, only by putting a foot in front of the other.

 And then there is that second synario; where you've tried but you just can't seem to conjur the motivation to move ahead. And no matter what you may be facing, I would encourage you by saying the best you can do is to 1. Remember what it is that you desire 2. Rekindle or let your desire and/or (love) for it be re lit 3. Ask the Lord to give you the stamina/strength you need to do what you need to do and to glory Him with it. But I realize that in my life so far, that the best things I can do are those which God motivates in me. I realize that on my own things are harder to accomplish, even if they are goals that aren't exactly that of ministry, or Christ-centeredness. Of course I want to have a balance in that I want to give my all in everything I do. But most importantly, I have discovered that God's motivation, and the passion that comes from a relationship with Him is the most fulfilling and most meaningful. I am of little worth without Him.

 So, If you and I can make the right choice to: 1. Not to give up, Face whatever it is that blocks the way. Keep moving forward, take the chance to Learn, and believe that wecan progress; if we do this in the things for ourselves, we will do ourselves a big favor, if we do this in our spiritual walk we will not only do ourselves a favor, we make it possible for the Lord to continue to use us and bless others through us.

So when passions grow dim, and when your heart seems cold; when the choice stands before you; Choose the way of the Victorious. Don't give up, Keep the Fiath, Don't be lazy, Keep your mind open to learning, and Keep Christ first...You will go far this way.

Discovering God....

So this title for a book popped into my head and onto paper. I don't know whether or not it was inspired by something I've read or what, but I think it would be a great name for a new book ;)

"Discovering God amidst a world of Doubt, Apathy, and Disillusion."

 So...maybe I'll start blogging for this.

The Courage to Change: Jesus is Your 'Friend'

Friendship is wonderful. There is really nothing to be compared with it. Friendship is special.

People motivate us in many ways....and for me, Friendship...It's a big motivator.
I suppose most of us understand the feeling of donating either time, money, attention, care, on someone other than ourselves. Perhaps you are the the kind of person that gives even more, who dons love, and the qualities that love produces such as compassion, long suffering, patience, and servitude...

How are you motivated by friendship? Everyone wants a good friend. Someone they call talk to about the matters of their heart, and feel safe with. Someone they can laugh with as well as cry with. Someone they can be serious with, and yet be silly with. Someone to whom they can be themselves around, and will love them for who they are. Someone who they can love, make happy, and lend a hand to as well. As much as everyone wants someone who will love 'them'...I believe deep down inside, everyone wants someone whom they can 'love', and 'give' to. Someone they can give of themselves to. Of course there are those who are more on 'wanting to be given to' side, and then there are those who lean more to the 'wanting to give' side. But both are ends of the same string.
Love ignites more Love. When you love someone, they almost can't help but love you back. Maybe not  always to the same degree, but 'Love' does stir something in most anybody. You love someone..watch them grow...watch them become more confident, more encouraged...Love is what makes Friendship even more special than just having common interests. Love makes friendships last.

Personally, I think that most of the horrible friendship breakups are because there was a lack of love  somewhere in the equation. Although there are circumstances where people change, or friends drift into different relationships with each other, some beneficial, some not. Some friends remain walking with you the same pace, the same path. They are like life long friends. There are those that pop out, and then pop back in, because although they may not be 'extremely close' they do still consider you a friend and care about you. Life is busy that's all.

There are different types of so called "friendships" that people create to be sure. But a true friend is really someone who cares about you, shares with you, and prays for you. A true Friend is someone you can count on, someone who is faithful. Friendship is a broad topic, so much can be mentioned. So much can be discussed. Good friendships, Bad 'friendships...It could fit in several blog posts to be sure.

By now this might not seem to par with what I've been mentioning but, I have this question, and it is this: 'How much do you dedicate, donate, give, to those you love?' Your: "Friends".
Sometimes I feel like we can get to carried away with friends (other people) and our relationships with them, that they become like idols. Have you ever considered how much time and thought you give to friends? Don't get me wrong, friendships are good, and they are necessary...but sometimes they get out of hand. They consume us. We begin to give too much to other people, the time we should be giving to Christ perhaps? We let other people determine our level of joy. This is not how God would have it. Other People are a big happiness factor...but they should never determine our "Joy" before Christ.

 If some relationship, some friendship you are in, has caused you to take your eyes off of Christ, and/or has stolen your joy...you should probably reconsider the direction of the relationship...
Joy and Liberty are two things that we should never consider as things we get by other people. Joy and Liberty have both already been bought for us, by the blood of Christ. He has died for us, and He has risen for us. We are to be Joyful, and derive our joy from the Lord...we must not let the enemy dampen it. Liberty is what we have by Christ, we are free in Him! we must not let others determine our liberty. Yes, there are times when the Christian is held captive, but in his heart, his is free, and he must still shine the light of the Lord.
You may wonder; "What is wrong with putting so much into a friend?" After all, everyone needs someone to give to, and someone who will give back". Yes true...But when it gets overboard is when your best friend, the one you love the most, are willing to give the most to, is not Jesus Christ but _____________.

Jesus wants to be Your Best Friend. No one else is as Faithful as Him. No one else is more loving, more caring, more compassionate then Him. No one else has given so much for you, and no one else likes you better for who you are. There is no one else who sees You like He sees you. There is no one else who hopes the best for you like He does. And there is no one else who will do for You what He can and will do for you. Why? Because Jesus is the Ultimate Friend. Not only because He 'can' be, but because 'He' is. In his heart there is not yesterday, but today...for If you desire him, every day you are in the best of friendships.

The best thing is, Jesus is the same...yesterday, today, and forever. His love for you is strong, and not changing with the tide. He desires you, He wants you, and He welcome you. I can't say I'm not doing my own changing, because that wouldn't be honest. That last part especially, that Christ is welcoming me to draw near to Him is a different concept. He is not hiding for me to find Him, not locking the door, and giving me a treasure map instead...but He is always present.

There is more to being Friends with God than what our human understanding tells us. I've been thinking that in order to get closer with God, I must do certain things. And I know some of these things would be beneficial, but God is calling each of us to give our love to Him, in the ways that we individually show it. Not everyone gives gifts to show that they are thinking about someone, or they love them. Some do. But just because someone doesn't always give gifts doesn't mean that they love less, they may just have another way of giving their love. As long as they do.

Some people give creative gifts to God to pour out their love for Him. They write songs, they play instruments, kind of like King David...some paint pictures...some do not creatively show their love for the Lord. This does not mean they love the Lord less....Now, there is truth that not everybody knows how to be a true friend to the same degree...in such a way, not everybody has the same relationship with the Lord. We all differ.

 But the fact is, no matter who we be, we need to be focusing on God more. We need to make Him the center of our Universe. We need to sweep our the other cares, and the idols we place before him, we need to set Christ back where He should, and wants to go. He loved you first. Remember that. And so it is, we love others, 'because', he first loved us.

Lord, I pray that we would care deeply about others, and be true friends. Show us what friendship really means. But teach us not to let friendships determine our livelyhood. May be remember that it is by You that we move, live, and have our being. I know that you want us to care for others, so that we may make differences in their lives. And I know that you search all hearts. But, Lord I just pray that we would draw even closer to You. That we would be in awe of You. That we would look at Your sacrifice on the cross, and we would look to your ressurection, and would realize that that is what should motivate us the strongest of all.

Forgive us for when we are destracted. Lord, I know that you realize, even more than I realize right now that we are not yet face to face. And until that day, we are not so close as to touch your hands your side....one day we will be face to face, one day you will walk with us, talk with us, and we will hear your voice like running waters, and run into your arms, and let you swing us around. We do not have that yet.

You know that we are yet awaiting that. You are awaiting your bride groom. You are awaiting your dear friends. Until that day Father I pray we would keep prospective. You would teach us how to have a friendship with You, and realize that you truly are our friend. For there is a Friend closer and truer....and It is You.